So today’s post is again by me (Brian). This post happens to be for the fellas, but ladies can read it too (and pass it along to their men).
I’m not a gifts person. I don’t care if I receive them or not and I’m particularly bad at giving them. It’s okay though, Mallory isn’t a gift person either. Gifts is actually our last love language. (Before we go any further, if you haven’t heard of the five love languages, you might want to google them. Right now. They are like an instruction manual for relationships. Or you can check out Mallory’s introductory post on them here from around this time last year).
To be honest, not only am I not a gifts person, I’m not really one for holidays either. It seems silly to me to pick one day to celebrate something. (Hold on, don’t throw things at me just yet. Hear me out.) If something is important to you, why wouldn’t you show it every day? Personally, I try to live like every day is Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving rolled into one. I even work Halloween into my daily routine (ask Mallory how zombie-fied I am in the mornings).
So that brings me to today. Today is Valentine’s Day. I won’t go on a rant about how I think it’s a holiday invented by greeting card companies and chocolatiers who needed another way to boost profits. I won’t complain that it basically forces men into acts of fiscal affection. I won’t argue that the number of roses or carats in the diamond is not a way to quantify someone’s love. What I am going to do is tell men to stop being lazy. Seriously. Just stop it.
Call me a rebel, but what you do on Valentine’s Day doesn’t really matter. Any guy can go to the grocery store and buy some strawberries and chocolate (I know I did, Mallory told me it was non-negotiable). What matters is what you do for the REST of the 364 days each year (365 this year). A gift given randomly on another day at any other time says so much more than one given on the day when gifts are supposed to be given. Try giving your lady a flower in September, and when she asks why, tell her ‘just because you love her’. See how that works for you. Seriously, I do it all the time. Mallory has even written about it numerous times (check out a few here and here).
But what is the point of giving a gift? What you are trying to say is “I love you, you are amazing, and I’m so glad we are together.” Guys, I have some great news! You don’t have to spend money to say that. JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY IT. For some reason that I will never fully understand, it seems most of us guys can’t just say those simple words. I don’t know if it’s a product of a tough-guy upbringing, or some fraternal order of stoicism that plagues everyone with an XY chromosome combo, but we need to get over it. We are only hurting ourselves.
Let’s face it guys, we can be a little lazy. I know I tend to take the easy way out 9 times out of 10. So let me give you a tip. Do you want to know the simplest, quickest, easiest thing to do to make your significant other happy, and by extension, your life easier and happier? (Tell me that a decrease in nagging, moping and angry outburst from your wife/girlfriend is not a plus.)
Tell her once EVERY DAY that you love her, that you appreciate her, that she is the most beautiful woman on God’s green Earth, and that you are blessed to be with her.
That’s 23 words. I counted it. 23 words is nothing on the effort scale.
If you, the man, are thinking “men don’t say things like that” then to you I say, and I mean no offense, you need to SACK UP and be a real man. Real men tell their women things that make them feel special. They help with the dishes. They surprise their wife with the little things. They spend time with her and get to know her and ask about her day. (Mallory and I have made a huge effort these last few years to turn off the television and spend time with one another and it’s been amazing.)
But let’s be honest, real men also love to do the quick, simple, easy thing that gets maximum results. And I promise that what I’m telling you to do gets results. And it’s simple. And it’s easy. If you don’t do it, you are either hiding behind the lie that sharing your feelings makes you weak or you are a masochist. I’m not joking.
Valentine’s Day isn’t a day where we remember that we are supposed to be vulnerable with our partner and say some sappy stuff to make them happy once a year. That should be our normal routine. Valentine’s Day is the day when you get your report card on how well you’ve loved your lady for the past year. If you’ve done your job, she’ll let you know. If you haven’t, well, then you can go back to buying your way out of the dog house.
To say it in one last ‘guy friendly’ way, relationships are like machines. You get out what you put in. If you put in love all year round, you get love back (if you know what I’m saying *wink*). If you wait for a special day of the year to fire up the ol’ love machine, it’s like trying to start the car after it sat for a year; it’s all gags, sputters, and puffs of black smoke. (There’s a sad reason why so many people you know have birthdays around early-mid November).
So take care of your relationship machine as well as you take care of the lawnmower. It only takes a few words every day to keep it in peak operating condition.
So crack open a book together, make your wife a cup o’ joe, and spend time with one another every week. And for the love of all things manly, tell her you love her and that she’s amazing every day. Trust me, you’ll see results.
Love and all that mushy stuff,
Brian (So for those of you freaking out that I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, here’s proof I made the chocolate covered strawberries just like Mallory so sweetly demanded today)
